For Reasons Unknown
by goin-crazy22
Summary: As Phil lays in bed, he thinks about how much everything has changed over the last couple of years. Some of it not for the better. Phan.


**Just a heads up this is a song fic to the song For Reasons Unknown by The Killers. (Phil's favorite song by them ^_^) Enjoy!**

It's weird living in the office of mine and Dan's apartment while there is construction going on in the apartment below my room. I don't hear the soft background noise of the tv while I'm in my room and Dan's in the longe playing yet another round of video games at 3 am. Lying in complete silence, I face the ceiling and think to myself how much things have changed in the past couple years. I've changed a lot, but not as much as my roommate downstairs.

**_I pack my case, I check my face_**

As I pick up my backpack, I walk over to the mirror in my room and look at the pale reflection staring back at me. Today was the day I was finally meeting Dan for the first time. I've done way too much to get ready, including going to the store and getting a new aftershave. This day was really important to me and I wanted everything to be perfect. The mirror showed a nicely groomed Phil, and I was very pleased with my appearance.

**_I look a little bit older_**

Of course there is always the doubt in the back of my mind saying that this day could end up just being really awkward. What if people can notice that I'm almost five years older than him? The doubt is pushed away instantly when a small smile pops onto my face from remembering all the times we have talked on Skype and how we clicked instantly. Age doesn't mean anything to this friendship.

**_I look a little bit colder  
With one deep breath, and one big step_**

I remember the exact moment I laid eyes on him. We decided to meet at the park by the Wheel of Manchester, and that's exactly where he was. He was walking around trying to find me but he hadn't yet. I decided to sneak up on him from behind and scare him which made us both laugh. After that we hugged and exchanged greetings before deciding to go onto the wheel. We stood in line for a while, but we easily entertained ourselves by talking about the newest video games and how awesome Muse is. Once it was finally our turn to get in, I got in first and put my bag between my feet. To my surprise Dan sat beside me instead of across from me like I thought he would. He had also brought a bag and he placed it in the seat across from us. We were third to last to get on so it was before no time that the ride was actually going. As soon as the ride started though Dan got all shy for some weird reason. He was talking like crazy in line, but now he kept glancing at me then looking out the window. I didn't want to ask him what was wrong so I decided to look out the window too. I admit the sudden silence was a little awkward but I was surprised when I felt a warm hand on top of mine. I looked over to see Dan looking right at me, his face blushed red.

"Um," Dan cleared his throat; every inch of him showed that he was nervous for what he wanted to get out. "Phil, I know we haven't really been friends for long, and you're my best friend. But, the thing is, um."

Dan made direct eye contact with me, and to be honest this is the most serious I've ever seen him. He still tried to go on even though it was obvious on where this was heading.

"I think I like you more than a…"

**_I move a little bit closer, I move a little bit closer_**

I put him out of misery by firmly placing my lips on his. Anyway, at the pace that he was talking at the ride would be over before he finished what he wanted to say. It was just a short peck, but did my mind swirl anyway. My stomach even did that flippy over thing which never really happened before when I've kissed other people. When we pulled away I said, "Me too Dan."

Dan's face lit up in the biggest smile, I've ever seen on him. That exact moment right then was the moment I fell in love with his little dimple, and his big cheesy smile.

It wasn't long after that until I fell in love with everything that had to do with Dan.

**_For reasons unknown_**

As the flashback in my head starts to fade and reality returns, I wonder what exactly made Dan change from the guy he was back then to the person he is now. I'm not saying that I don't like him as a friend any less but let's just say that if our relationship status was on Facebook it would be "it's complicated." He decided to change everything for reasons I don't think I'll ever know about.

**_I caught my stride, I flew it by  
I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind_**

There are a two days spend with Dan that I will never forget. The first being the first time we meet irl and the second being the day that he decided to end it all of a sudden.

It was just a normal Wednesday afternoon and I was sitting in the living room of both Dan and I's shared apartment in Manchester. We had just moved in here three months ago and were almost all settled in when Dan came in from his bedroom and sat on the other side of the couch.

"I don't bite you know." I joked as I took my eyes off the current Buffy rerun I was watching and glanced over to him. He cracked a fake smile and that's when I knew something was up. "Aren't you supposed to be editing your new video? You know how demanding your fans get." I said ignoring my show.

"That's the thing, um Phil, we need to talk."

This was a big thing because Dan never said that four letter phrase that every relationship fears. Usually when something was bothering Dan he would just come right out and say it, but not this time.

I turned off the tv and faced towards him, giving him my full attention even though he was looking anywhere but at me.

"Sure Dan, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, while I was editing my video I was thinking about my fans and yours. I was thinking about how we have a lot of the same subscribers. The thing is I think that we are known more as "Dan and Phil" to the internet than as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, two separate human beings with two different types of video styles."

Dan looked down at his hands which he had been playing with the whole time and concentrated on his hands like they were the most interesting thing in the world. Then his head popped and he blurted out of nowhere,

"I think we should just be friends because I want to be individually recognized and I don't think that could happen unless we back off a little."

He said that one sentence so fast that it took me a second to process what he was trying to say.

"What are you trying to say Dan, do you want to move out?"

Dan made eye contact with me for the first time and said in a low whisper, "No Phil, I could never do that."

Then where was he going with this?

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that, instead of being boyfriends that rent an apartment together, we could be best friends that rent an apartment together. I could make my own videos and you could make your own, ya know, give each other more space."

**_Well my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to_**

My heart skipped a beat, and it was so silent you could hear the clock ticking from the next room over. He was breaking up with me. Only last night he fell asleep with his head on my leg while watching a movie and now he wanted to break it off. I had to be strong though, I couldn't show Dan just how crushed I was.

I cleared my throat. "Sure, that's fine."

**_And my eyes, they don't see you no more_**

It was so weird to me getting used to just being friends with Dan again. I feel like I traveled back in time but I also felt like we lost so much of our closeness over what he did. He acted a lot differently around me too. It was almost like a cold shoulder in the way that there would be days where he would almost ignore that I lived in the same apartment with him and we exchanged very little words. He continued making videos alone like he said and soon passed me up in subscribers which I was so proud of him doing, never angry or jealous. Other days though would be the complete opposite where I would be playing a video game and he would ask to join and we would be yelling and screaming at the top of our lungs over the silliest things that the neighbor had to call us to quiet down. Those were the days where I saw the real Dan, the other version of him was a stranger to me.

**_And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to  
And my eyes don't recognize you no more_**

I could have easily found someone else to be with after Dan decided that we should be friends, but I didn't. I don't know why but I feel that it was because deep down I felt that we would get back together. I was afraid I was going to get with someone and our first kiss wouldn't make me go as crazy as the one with Dan and I would end up disappointing them in the end. So, I didn't date anyone. I didn't date anyone for the rest of the time we lived in Manchester and I didn't date anyone when we moved to London and got jobs at the BBC together. I was hoping that one day I would get over the fear of never finding someone like Dan, but I never did.

**_For reasons unknown  
For reasons unknown_**

Once again I was brought back to reality, just me in my makeshift bed looking at the ceiling of the top floor. I could hear muffles meaning that Dan was probably yelling at "The Last of Us" again. He really is struggling with that game. I decided that I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon so I got up and went down to the longue and what I predicted was happening was right as I saw Dan in a completely dark room except for the tv's light low and a Play Station controller in hand.

**_It was an open chair_**

I went over and sat on the couch, just watching Dan as he played. I was really quiet so when I made a sad sound once he died, he jumped and finally realized my presence in the room.

"Oh hi Phil, I didn't see you there." Dan yawned as he paused the game and turned the red bean bag around to face me. "So what are you doing up so early in the morning?"

"I could ask you the same thing Dan, but I just couldn't fall asleep that's all. I heard you and decided this would be more productive than just lying in bed.

Dan agreed and then we stayed silent for a little with the pause screen music playing in the background. "So Dan, does that game have a two player option?" I asked.

"Why yes Phillip, in fact it does." Dan returned in a hard Queen's English accent. "Would you like to join me?"

"Of course my kind sir." I answered him as I joined him on the floor.

**_We sat down in, the open chair_**

I can't remember the last time me and Dan played video games and joked around like we are now, but I really missed it. We were playing a VS round and I was crushing him and to be honest I think he was letting me win. Everyone knew how bad he was but I've never played it before in my life. It was like old times. The game ended as I shot him square in the chest.

"Best out of twenty-five?!" Dan says a little too loudly for the time it is and I laugh and get up to go sit on the couch again. Dan turned off the game and tv as I turn on a lamp on the side table beside me. He joined me on the couch and laid length wise so that his head was in my lap. I saw his eyes close as he murmured, "I really miss when we used to do this while we watched movies and reruns of Buffy,"

"Me too." I responded before I even realized that I did it. Dan's eyes slowly opened as he whispered "I really miss having you to hold and spoil."

"I miss hugging you and having to buy heart shaped boxes of Maltesers for Valentine's Day." I giggled as I ran my hands through Dan's hair.

"Phil? Why didn't you get with anyone else after I broke up with you?" Dan questioned slowly as he opened his eyes and adjusted his head to try and look at me.

"Because…Because I was afraid that I wasn't going to find someone as perfect as you that made me breathless every time we kissed or could make me smile with a simple wink."

**_I said if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind  
But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to_**

Dan's reply made my heart skip a beat.

"Phil, I know we have been friends for a long time now and you are my best friend for life but I absolutely one hundred percent know that I like you more…"

I cut Dan off as I brought his beautiful brown eyes up to meet mine right before we both closed them to kiss.

**_And my eyes, they don't see you no more  
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to_**

The kisses started off light but as time went on they got deeper and more passionate. Dan got up and pushed me down so that my head was on the headrest and he was on top, in total control of the situation. I kissed him back with all the love I had stored from the moment he said he just wanted to be friends again. I have loved him still all this time and him the same. Whenever we broke for air I asked him how long it took him to realize that becoming just friends was the wrong decision. He got off of me and admitted, "About two days after I'd told you I wanted to just be friends. I know it's going to sound stupid now but I think I had too much pride to admit that what I had chosen was wrong. I'm sorry Phil if I caused you any pain which I would be surprised if I didn't."

I sat up and planted a kiss right on the tip of his nose, "It's okay, we are together again and can make up for all the lost time, right?"

Dan didn't answer me and want right back to kissing me, which I couldn't complain about.

**_And my eyes don't recognize you at all_**

For years after that day Dan and I stayed living together as BOYFRIENDS that rented an apartment in London together and worked a radio show together. Though the fans know nothing about our relationship, they are about to know soon. It's kind of hard to hide the engagement ring in a video when I use my hands when I speak so much. Some viewer's eyes is sure to recognize it someday, but right now for reasons unknown they haven't spotted it yet.

**_For reasons unknown  
For reasons unknown_**


End file.
